In Desperate Need of Prayer

Hello my wonderful prim friends. I am coming to you with a heavy, heavy heart...it's almost 6 am and, as usual, I haven't even drifted off to la-la land yet. As I was sitting and talking to my son yesterday around 4pm we heard the bells jingle on the kitchen door and in walks the hubs...This is surprising cuz he generally works till 8 or 9 pm. I immediately thought he must be sick, although he never, ever misses work even though he's on salary, he normally just works through the pain or discomfort.

When I saw his face I knew something was terribly wrong and he broke down and said that he had been let go from the company for which he has worked the last 9 years. I was not stunned since they have been systematically getting rid of most senior managers and even though the hubs and I had talked about the possibility of this happening, I don't really think he ever really thought it would happen to him....he works harder than any human being that I know..he gives it his all...and he has never been fired, ever ! He has made this company millions of dollars and has been in the Bronze Club for profit every single year except 2012...apparently the big wigs don't understand that the economy is bad here, nor do they care that the bus routes to the shopping center where the hubs store is have twice been cut this year. They dont seem to care that almost all the stores in that shopping center have closed and now 2 schools have taken their place, not to mention that you cant see the hubs store from the road and the company has refused his many requests for a sign.

They made him sign a non-compete agreement 3 years ago just two days before they rolled out the new bonus program...so basically he can not even look for a job in the same field within a certain mile radius. Oh and that new bonus structure they instituted....he ended up losing over $50,000 in gross bonus over the last 3 years...But he thought it was best to stick it out with the economy being like its been. He was apprehensive at maybe quitting a place he had seniority and a good record to take a job where he would be low man on the pole etc.

And then of course theres the issue of his health benefits which were the real reason I think he stayed there. As most of you know I have been ill since 2003 when I got neuro-invasive west nile virus which left me in a lot of pain and in need of a lot of medication/treatment. As I am typing this I am having my first bout of worry and fear even though I spent the entire evening reminding the hubs that God has been and always will be, our provider and that we have been through tougher spots than this...but ladies, if truth be told, I am more than a little nervous.

This all comes on the heels of my tooth breaking over the holidays and no I hadn't gotten around to seeing to it yet because my car died on me on Christmas eve...we thought we had it fixed and my son took it to his girlfriends house and it died there and we had to have it towed again...just got word that the engine needs replaced to the tune of $2500 which is more than the car is worth, so we are down to one vehicle and trying to figure out if there's a way to get any money for the car at this point.

I am tired gals, just really , really tired but I have got to hold it together !
So today I am asking for your prayers...prayers that he finds another job, prayers that I dont run out of medicine before he gets another job, prayers that I can keep it together and be strong for him, prayers that we can weather this storm with integrity and character.

I know God loves us and I know He has a perfect plan for us...I just need to be quiet so I can hear what it is. We do have a tiny bit of savings in the bank  and my wool sales might need to be in the budget instead of "fun" money. I keep trying to tell Jim (aka the hubs) that it will all be ok but I am fearful that I am not making a compelling argument and I am afraid he can see right through me and see the fear. We can live on very little...we have done our best to not have too much debt but I am worried about the expense of my medical needs since it bankrupted us when I was first sick and I just cant go down that road again. We have finally been able to dig ourselves out of that hole and I just dont want to be smothered again !

I am sorry, I think I am just rambling now and worrying out loud...forgive me please for laying this out in what's supposed to be a fun blog about rug hooking and primitive decor but many of you have become my very dear friends...when you are housebound due to illness like I am for sometimes days and even weeks at a time, friendships fade because people get tired of asking you to do things only to have you cancel at the last minute because you couldnt lift your arms over your head to wash your hair or that you had never been able to get back upstairs because the steps were just too much to navigate or the pain was too intense or that you hadnt slept in several days and you just couldnt even talk on the phone because your hands hurt too much..but you guys, well, even though you are real people, you are in my virtual world where the expectations are different...

Gosh this is all just coming out wrong so I think I will just stop for now. Again, please pray for Jim and I...we have a good solid marriage but I know this is a blow to his ego and he takes great pride in his work and I just feel like I am a huge burden that cant contribute very much (I know thats not at all how he feels, but it is how I feel).

Until next time,
Grace to you,
Margie